7 April 2012

the glory of the cross


Dead in my sin, curse of God, child of wrath,
despised, ever-selfish, and blind
Twas I, yet before the foundation of earth
He predestined that I might find
the truth of His wrath, justice mercy and grace,
come together that day on the tree,
where taking upon the whole vengeance of God
Jesus Christ hung in my place for me.
Yet twas not for my sake, but the glory of He
who intended it 'fore there was time.
And yet in the mystery of His sacrifice
all inheritance of Christ became mine.
And I glory, alone, in the power of the cross
and my saviour who rose from the grave.
And with eager hope, think all else but loss
and wait for the glorious day
when He comes back in might, and justice to bring.
Yet because of the cross some will know
only mercy and grace, since He died in our place.
Peace and joy never-ending will flow!
And in perfect communion, together at last
all the saints with one voice will proclaim
praise to the Holy one, honour and power,
and we'll finally see Him face to face.
But until that day, oh that wonderful day,
I must make the news know to the lost.
In their death (just like mine) they'll be cursed- but not find
a saviour who has paid the cost.
And eternal damnation, mourning and tears 
wait forever beyond the grave.
Oh how high the price will my silence be,
if I share not how Jesus can save!
So in light of eternity, no matter costs here,
be it suffering more than I can bear
I press on for His glory, proclaiming His truth,
for in His pain alone do I share.
And how incomparable will such sufferings seem
in light of the glory I'll see
when I get to worship, face to face,
my Lord for all eternity.

30 March 2012

hope in the silence (2)

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
- 2 Corinthians 12:9

I love, more than most things, being able to tell people about how God is at work. It is a wholly life-giving thing to be able to rejoice with others, as we tell of all his wondrous works! I suppose this is why I've made such a deliberate effort to share with others our "medically confirmed" inability to have our own children. I guess I did not really need a doctor to tell me that, only having a period once or twice a year, it would be nearly impossible for us to conceive. But having her say it really did make it devastating to me at the time, and so much more glorious as my condition appears to be reversing. 
After much prayer and seeking the Lord on the matter, we chose to forego all other methods and simply see a recommended naturopath and pray that the Lord would use that to bring my body healing. Amazingly, he recommended nothing but a minor mineral (copper), and no other significant changes. Brian and I both prayed diligently, trusting that the Lord could use even this simple remedy to do His healing work. The Lord did not need the copper, of course, and He is faithful and gracious regardless of the outcome... but it appears as though he is using it to make his grace and faithfulness known to us here and now! 
I had blood work done by our fertility doctor two weeks ago and, incredibly, my thyroid levels have improved by 50% and my TSH and LH by almost 100% in only 2 months. Praise be to God! So, we're not pregnant yet, but it looks like God may just miraculously fulfill the hope we have been waiting for. 
The beautiful this is that I can boldly and unwaveringly proclaim that His goodness and faithfulness are overwhelmingly evident to us- even if we never conceive. He is good, all the time, and he is continually giving us hope... not just hope in having a baby, but that in all circumstances He Himself is our hope (Psalm 33:20).
All this being said, today I am rejoicing in my weakness- in my inability to conceive (something so natural; a thing that so many women do accidently, even!). I rejoice in this weakness, awaiting with joy Christ's display of His power in my body. I have seen his healing already, and give praise to his name!

God of Justice

"but let justice roll down like water, and righteousness like an ever-flowing stream." 
- amos 5:24


As I learn one sad story after another of women and children who are sold, deceived, or forced in to sex slavery, my longing for Your return is ever-increasing. How long, oh Lord, until you bring forth justice for the oppressed? How long, oh Lord, until you meet these evil men with the punishment they deserve, and the abused and forgotten with the comfort that only you can give?


In the 103rd Psalm, you declare that "the Lord works righteousness and justice for all who are oppressed". I want to see that. Jesus, I want you to come back and deal rightly with those who have blood on their hands. "Come, Lord Jesus, come" (Rev 22:20).


And yet, Lord, I know that while I selfishly desire your return- so desperately- if these girls never come to you in faith, they too will be under the wrath of God. What a difficult thing for me to wrap my mind around. I hate that it is that way- I hate that people who have suffered may never know rest. Yet I cannot deny that your word reveals that without faith in Christ, none can be a friend of God. And your ways are fair, just, and right... even if I don't understand them.


So I need to go. To all the poor and powerless, to all the abused and oppressed, and bring your justice, comfort, and gospel of peace. Oh Lord, as I so eagerly await your return, longing for the day when I see you face to face and your justice rolls down like water... Oh Lord, help me to go and spread the news of all that you have done in Christ, that the oppressed might finally find their freedom (Luke 4:18).

26 March 2012

Blessed are those who mourn (Matt 5:4)

Two months ago, Brian's coworker tragically lost her son. He passed away as a result of a car accident, leaving his mother bereft of any comfort or consolation, as he did not know the Lord. Since then she has been stricken deeply with grief, as one would reasonably assume. Without knowledge of God, to whom do they turn in such a time as this (John 6:68)?
Today she called and asked if she can come to church. As far as we know, this is the first time in her life she has made an effort to respond God in any way. It is through her mourning that the Holy Spirit has begun his supernatural work in unveiling her eyes to see Jesus clearly (1 Cor 3:16).
Holy Spirit, thank you that you are the God of all comfort, and that in times of unbelievable sorrow you bring healing. Father, you too lost your own son, and understand the depth of her grief. Please bring her healing and peace. Thank you that in her mourning, you are blessing her with revelation of yourself. Would you continue to remove the veil from her face, that she might see with eyes wide open the glory of the cross of Christ, and the hope of his resurrection. May she come to know and love you, and be blessed in her mourning by the gift of your comfort.

25 October 2011

Let go.

Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, 
it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.
- John 12:24



"There is no ongoing spiritual life without this process of letting go. At the precise point where we refuse, growth stops. If we hold tightly to anything given to us, unwilling to let it go when the time comes to let it go or unwilling to allow it to be used as the Giver means it to be used, we stunt the growth of the soul. It is easy to make a mistake here. 'If God gave it to me,' we say, 'it's mine. I can do what I want with it.' No. The truth is it is ours to thank Him for and ours to offer back to Him, ours to relinquish, ours to lose, ours to let go of - if we want to find our true selves, if we want real Life, if our hearts are set on glory. Think of the self that God has given as an acorn. It is a marvelous little thing, a perfect shape, perfectly designed for its purpose, perfectly functional. Think of the grand glory of an oak tree. God's intention when He made the acorn was the oak tree. His intention for us is '...the measure of the statue of the fulness of Christ.' Many deaths must go into reaching that measure, many letting-goes. When you look at the oak tree you do not feel the 'loss' of the acorn is a very great loss. The more you perceive God's purpose in your life, the less terrible the losses seem." Elisabeth Elliot, pp. 163-164

13 October 2011

hope in the silence


God’s Silence— Then What?

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When He heard that he was sick, He stayed two more days in the place where He was —John 11:6

Has God trusted you with His silence— a silence that has great meaning? God’s silences are actually His answers. Just think of those days of absolute silence in the home at Bethany! Is there anything comparable to those days in your life? Can God trust you like that, or are you still asking Him for a visible answer? God will give you the very blessings you ask if you refuse to go any further without them, but His silence is the sign that He is bringing you into an even more wonderful understanding of Himself. Are you mourning before God because you have not had an audible response? When you cannot hear God, you will find that He has trusted you in the most intimate way possible— with absolute silence, not a silence of despair, but one of pleasure, because He saw that you could withstand an even bigger revelation. If God has given you a silence, then praise Him— He is bringing you into the mainstream of His purposes. The actual evidence of the answer in time is simply a matter of God’s sovereignty. Time is nothing to God. For a while you may have said, “I asked God to give me bread, but He gave me a stone instead” (see Matthew 7:9). He did not give you a stone, and today you find that He gave you the “bread of life” (John 6:35).
A wonderful thing about God’s silence is that His stillness is contagious— it gets into you, causing you to become perfectly confident so that you can honestly say, “I know that God has heard me.” His silence is the very proof that He has. As long as you have the idea that God will always bless you in answer to prayer, He will do it, but He will never give you the grace of His silence. If Jesus Christ is bringing you into the understanding that prayer is for the glorifying of His Father, then He will give you the first sign of His intimacy— silence.


I read this a few days ago, and it struck me a deep and meaningful way, though I hadn't the slightest idea as to why. It just kind of stayed with me. Today I went to the doctors to discuss the recent blood work I had done, and this little devotional finally made some sense.
Since I was in eighth grade or so I've been aware of the fact that my body less than "normal". I remember running on a treadmill in eleventh grade, reading a health book and finding the article on Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, being shocked and scared when I recognized that I had every symptom mentioned- but, of course, refusing to go get treatment for it since there is not cure and limited side-effects other than infertility. I accepted early on that I would not be able to have my own children, and to be honest it was not at all difficult for me to deal with... I was never mentally committed to bearing my own children, and did not see PCOS as much more than a convenient excuse to go without a period for months at a time.
When Brian and I got married, though, my heart started to change. All of a sudden, having our own children just felt like the most natural and loving next step. I've grown to have a deep desire for building a family, and have become convinced of it's role in our future ministry. We prayed for a while last winter about when to start trying to have children, and decided based on a sense of confirmation we had received from the Holy Spirit (as well as some practical time-lining so that we can have children here before leaving for the mission field) that we should start in the spring. After 6 months of trying, my doctor sent me for blood tests, suspecting as I did that I was likely unable to have children at all. So, when the blood tests came back today indicating that I have PCOS, no one was really surprised.
The only thing that caught me off guard in all of this was when, alone in my car, I cried the whole way home. I guess that after all of our praying and hoping I had really begun to get excited about something I always knew I couldn't have.  
Lots of women can't get pregnant. It's all throughout the scriptures. And over and over again the Lord does a miraculous work in their bodies and creates life where there is nothing but barrenness. I know that it is possible for Him to do this in us, too- and for this I rejoice!
Right now we are waiting, hoping, and praying with a sense of expectancy. We know that He is the God of the impossible, but I want to make sure that when he answers (whether that is through pregnancy or barrenness) I am able to look back on the waiting and see His glory. Already, amidst the deep sadness that comes with the news of confirmed infertility, I am so very thankful for His nearness and comfort. I already see such a clear glimpse of His glory in being the God of the impossible, the only Rock upon whom we can fall.


Lord, I have hope in this silence: for I am confident that Your grace is enough for us and that You are the giver of good gifts. I pray above all else that we would be to your glory- baby or no baby. For the first time, I'm beginning to understand what a marvelous work you did in miraculously causing Hannah, Rachel, Leah, Elizabeth, and Sarah to be pregnant. It is something that we are so unable to control- something that makes us so obviously dependent on you for. I am confident that you are able to do the same miracle in my body, but I ask that above all else your will be done.

25 September 2011

and then You show up.

Let us acknowledge the LORD;

   let us press on to acknowledge him.
As surely as the sun rises,
   he will appear;
he will come to us like the winter rains,
   like the spring rains that water the earth.

- Hosea 6:3


At the beginning of the summer Kianna, Meaghan, and I sat atop the hill, staring out at the lake (which, by the way, is much more beautiful from a distance) and talked. We were supposed to be at campfire, but we skipped it, knowing that we "had chosen what was better" (Luke 10:42).  The mosquitoes were absolutely awful that night, but we braved them anyways, for we simply had no other choice.
We were just sharing things from our lives with one another- things which I do not wish to discuss at the present time- and I became overwhelmingly aware of the need for God to simply reveal Himself. 


I feel as though so much of my life (certainly so much of my faith) has been spent living in what seems like nothing but time in-between the moments when God shows up... as if I'm always hanging on to that last time I saw a glimpse of His glory and hoping with all I have for just one more sight.


As the girls shared what was on their heart, I was painfully aware of the fact that nothing I could do or say could encourage them in the way that they required. God simply needed to do something- something that could be attributed to none but Him- in order to reaffirm our faith and propel us onward.


As we conversed and tried to encourage one another, Kianna abruptly got up (a gesture of obedience to the gentle whisper (1 Kings 19:12), as I later learned). She ran to the beach and disappeared from our sight, while we continued discussing the issues at hand and declaring to one another the ever-important truths about our Sovereign God.


Then, at just the right time, Kianna re-emerged, holding a brand new bottle of bug spray. She tossed it one the ground with confident joy and shared with us her story:


She had run toward the water, following the gentle whisper of our God: "come away" (SofS 2:10).  She prayed through many of her fears and experienced a fresh new sense of freedom as she conquered them with Him. The mosquitoes were (obviously) worse down by the water, and while she longed to remain there in His presence, she could hardly bear being attacked by the irritating little creatures. She prayed "please God protect me from these awful mosquitos....I just need this right now".  She stood there for a few more seconds, waiting for Him to intervene. Eventually she gave up waiting and began her slow walk back to the fire. As she turned and stepped, she stumbled over something on the ground: Mosquito Spray.


As surely as the sun rises, He will appear. He will come to us like the winter rains.

When we heard her story we rejoiced with tears. What a beautiful God we worship- that He would so faithfully show up at just the right time. Just when, in desperation and dejection, we are unable to know His goodness on our own, HE APPEARS declaring: I will not leave you or forsake you, do not fear or be dismayed (Deut 31:8). 

16 September 2011

But there is a Friend who is closer than a brother.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing...
- Ephesians 1:1

Two years ago my best friend moved away. Now, when I say "best friend" I must stress that I do not mean this in the normal sense of the term. Giselle and I have often spoken of how our best-friendship (or ultra-best-friendship, as we like to call it) is unlike anything known to any other friends that have ever walked the earth.
There is one exception, I think, and that is David and Jonathan.
In 1 Samuel 18:1 it says that "the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul."
This is probably more dramatic than I would have worded it, but it's the only thing I've ever heard or read that made me feel on some level like others understood the depth of connectedness that I've felt with Giselle.
Perhaps I'm entirely wrong, though, and foolish to think we're abnormal. Perhaps everyone has had the opportunity to cherish multiple friendships like this. I hope they have. But certainly, I have never... To be honest I do not really think it is possible for me to experience such an incredible friendship again.
And, as I reflect on the love and blessing and challenge to spiritual growth that the Lord poured out on me through this intense and intimate friendship, I cannot help but recognize His grace and kindness to me. My friendship with Giselle has been one of the greatest spiritual blessings the Lord has given me, using it to encourage my heart, strengthen my sense of his work in my life, and remind me of my absolute need for the Body.


Thank you Lord for the blessing of friendship that you have poured out. Thank you for being to me "a friend who is closer than a brother", but for also providing Giselle for sake of my joy and spiritual growth. You are the giver of good gifts.

30 June 2011

Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.
- John 16:22

27 June 2011

Resting in the Shadow of the Almighty

The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you. He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid. Do not be discouraged.
- Deuteronomy 31:8


When thinking about the weeks and months ahead, I have been feeling three distinct emotions:
(1) Excitement
(2) Fear
(3) Discouragement.

The first (excitement) is a wonderful thing- it's the joyful anticipation I have because I know God is just about do something amazing! He always does at camp... it's just a special place and time where we're all more on the look-out for His works, and I'm excited to be impressed by Him this summer. The feelings of fear and discouragement, however, come not from joyfully hoping in what our Almighty God is about to do, but from a false suspicion that perhaps... just maybe... He will do absolutely nothing! Fear and discouragement about camp and the relationships we will build out there come from the hidden question: "what if He doesn't show up?" And oh what a foolish question that is! What a lack of faith in the One who has continually proven Himself faithful.

God always shows up. Even if He doesn't act in the manner I think He will/should, the reality is: He is the eternal God who dwells outside of time and space, going before us and orchestrating every good and perfect thing.

Today He reminded me that he cares more about camp than I do, and He loves my friends more than I can even imagine and He will never leave or forsake us. He's already in the future that I fear and He is reigning as sovereign Lord over it. And, since he is ahead of me, I can simply rest in His shadow.

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty
- Psalm 91:1


Thankyou Jesus for giving me rest for my soul today. Thankyou that I can cast my burdens upon you because you care for me- that you go before me and I can rest in You as I trust and surrender.

25 June 2011

Fides Quaerens Intellectum

The past two weeks have been gloomy, the sky pouring down more rain than we have had in years. It's been cold for June, and to be honest I almost forgot that summer is already here. It's as if the skies simply knew that they needed to adjust themselves accordingly- as if creation has been groaning along with us since last Monday.


On Monday the 13th we found out that our friend Alissa has breast cancer. It has shaken us deeply, and broken our hearts a million times over. In all her beauty, and love, and joy, and servanthood, and passion for caring for the broken... it is beyond my understanding to even try to comprehend the question of "why?". 


I know that Jesus is good. I know that He is sovereign. And yet we stand in this mysterious middle ground- crushed- waiting to see Him show up, but having no answers as to how it all fits together. We don't get it and we may never, but it has been the most strikingly beautiful thing to watch her and her husband cling on to Jesus in faith even when (now more than ever) nothing makes sense.


_______________


The skies have been to me not only a reflection of the sadness of this time, but also a reminder of the hope that we can hold onto. Between the long stretches of dark skies and downpour, the sun has broken through and given us moments of respite, (almost magically) bringing the whole world back to life again. In the warmth of it's rays, I've seen the grass sprout up and the buds blossom, more full and beautiful because of the rain they endured. Now I dare not say that this situation will "blossom" in any earthly sense- for I do not know that. I do not know if she will get better, and do not know if we will all be okay. I hope and pray that it will, but He has never promised such a thing. What I do know is that we have this beautiful promise of eternal hope- of a time when "he will dwell with us. We will be his people, and God himself will be with us and be our God.  He will wipe every tear from our eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things will pass away.” (Rev 21:3-4). We have promises about his goodness- that amidst the sadness and chaos of this disease, He will be a God of redemption who is at work for good and not for evil (Romans 8). And oh how sweet it is to remember that we serve a God who weeps as we do (John 11:35), even though His understanding is infinite.


This week was awful. And yet God has shown up through His promises of faithfulness. He has shown up through the joy and peace that he has brought amidst suffering. He has shown up in the community of believers we have watched rally around our friends to weep alongside them (Romans 12:15). Yes- even in the gloomiest of weeks there have been moments where the light has come bursting through, reminding us that it will not always be this way.



Though the fig tree should not blossom 
And there be no fruit on the vines, 
Though the yield of the olive should fail 
And the fields produce no food, 
Though the flock should be cut off from the fold 
And there be no cattle in the stalls, 
Yet I will exult in the LORD, 
I will rejoice in the God of my salvation. 
The Lord GOD is my strength, 
And He has made my feet like hinds’ feet, 
And makes me walk on my high places.


- Habakkuk 3:17-19

Lord Jesus I pray that you would continue to show us your goodness. In a time of such unbelievable sadness and confusion we are so desperately in need of You. Thankyou that you are the God of all comfort, gracious and compassionate, full of understanding, rich in love. Thankyou that in the end YOU WIN- that you have already conquered satan, sin, and death and that we can hold on to the hope that you will one day make all things new. But Lord you are the God who heals- the only one who can- and I pray that you would. Please heal our friend- please... 
I acknowledge, though... we acknowledge... that even in the darkness you are still God, and we will rejoice in you. 

18 June 2011

Friday June 17, 2011

But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD
- Joshua 24:15




But as for me, it is good to be near God. 
   I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge; 
   I will tell of all your deeds.

- Psalm 73:28




This week I have just been feeling so discouraged. Between finding out some really sad news and spending time with numerous people who just seem to be rejecting the grace of God that they have previously received, I was disheartened. 


I reflected a lot this week, thinking about the current state of a few people who have been very meaningful influences in my life. I wept as I considered how so many of them had drawn near to God and seemingly known Him so well, only to walk away as they began to believe lies and call disobedience "right". It just hurts my heart so deeply, and I have been burdened with how it must hurt the Father's heart even more.


The Lord's faithfulness has shone through this week, however. He has reminded me through the story in Joshua 24, Psalm 73, and through a beautiful song by "Enter the Worship Circle", that HE has moved in miraculous and undeniable ways in my life and in the lives of others. If they choose to deny His glory and turn to disobedience after having seen Him, then (while my heart breaks a million times over) it is for them to decide.


Hebrews 3:13 says, "But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness." I most certainly have a responsibility to encourage other believers in their walk. And I will weep and pray and mourn those who are struggling. But, at the end of the day if someone chooses to walk away, believing false doctrine that denies Jesus and the good, sovereign Lord He is, all I can really do is declare that "As for me and my house we will serve the Lord. As for me, it's good to be near to You".




Lord Jesus I pray that by your grace you would uphold me and my house as worshippers. Help us to see your glory and walk in your Spirit. I pray, Lord for my friends who, though they have seen your truth, are walking away. I pray that you would show them more of yourself, open their eyes to the ways in which they are being so foolish, remind them that the nearness of God is their good. Help me to love them as I should, and to not become disheartened by the way in which they walk, but instead to hold fast to Jesus- having Hope in the fact that as for me it is good to be near to You.





11 June 2011

Saturday June 11, 2011

Camp holds a place of pure affection in my heart. 
Most years I come to a point where I hate the insane hours, sleepless nights, and bizarre working conditions, and inevitably tell myself that I will never go back again. But somehow, I always end up going back. Despite the chaos, camp is this beautiful and sacred place where God works in miraculous ways. While I do not necessarily believe in holy places, I do believe in a holy God, whose Spirit is powerfully at work on the camp property. Being out there for the work-day today, I could almost feel Him- the density of His presence in that place, after 75 years of His people serving obediently on that ground.


"Take off your sandals, for the place where you stand is holy ground"
- Exodus 3:5


As for me, I have seen countless children be spurred on in their faith, coming to understand Christ more through their short weeks on site. And despite our ever-so-crappy facilities and the toxic-wasteland that we call the lake, I have consistently been transformed by my summers there- meeting with Jesus and drawing nearer to Him in increasingly significant ways.
I love camp.


Today while we were working (Lisa and I had the pleasure of weeding the garden. I don't say that facetiously: I really did consider it a pleasure to pull weeds!), a wonderful old man named David told me how sad it was that we had to leave camp and return to a down-town apartment at the end of the night. I obviously agreed, but I assure him that it was alright because Brian and I would be spending our whole summer out at camp. David said "Well! The Lord has blessed you greatly!" 


How remarkably right he was! Back in October the Lord spoke to both Brian and myself, causing us to believe that he wanted us to spend this summer out at camp. While it didn't make sense financially and we didn't have a position to fill, we were certain that it was the Lord's leading. And, of course, He has proved Himself faithful to show up and provide in ways I could never have imagined. He opened positions for each of us, found us a house-sitter for the summer, released us from our jobs, and has enabled us to walk in obedience and blessing! We get to spend the entire summer worshipping Jesus in beautiful community with people we love. We get to see God at work in one of the most sacred places in the entire world. We get to serve in ministry together as a married couple. The Lord has blessed us greatly!





Better is one day in your courts 
   than a thousand elsewhere; 
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God 
   than dwell in the tents of the wicked. 

For the LORD God is a sun and shield; 
   the LORD bestows favor and honor; 

LORD Almighty, 
   blessed is the one who trusts in you.

- Psalm 84:10,12



Thankyou Lord for calling us so clearly to camp. Thankyou for your unbelievable work in and through that place- I pray that your Holy Spirit would be oh-so-present and at work there this summer. Fill us with your hope and joy so that we are able to pour out, love, and serve our co-workers and campers. I pray, above all, that you would show us your Glory this summer; that we would wait expectantly and worship you together as we see more of you!

10 June 2011

Thursday June 9, 2011

 I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms,  far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every name that is invoked, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. 
-Ephesians 1:17-22

I really only intended on including the "may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better," part of this verse. But when I started reading it I just thought that it was too beautiful to not include the rest. 


Today Brian and I had a meeting with the camp leadership team. As we discussed a variety of camp-related things, it came up that they were short of speakers for this summer. As soon as they said it, I had had a strong feeling that Brian should do it. I thought it unwise to volunteer my husband without talking to him about it first, but I really felt like it was the Holy Spirit speaking to me, telling me to encourage Brian to do so. 
The cool thing is, when the Holy Spirit speaks (especially to a husband and wife), he doesn't do so in a way that is divisive. When he speaks he calls us to unity. His wisdom and revelation help to build up and inspire.
When we left the meeting, Brian shared with me that he had been feeling God tell him the same thing. Without having even discussed it, the Lord has individually told us the same thing, so that we were able to stand united in the decision, knowing that God had revealed his wisdom to us- rather than it just being a selfish, independent idea that we created on our own.


Thankyou Lord for the way that you speak to your children. Thankyou that you speak your wisdom to us in a way that unifies and builds up; a way that draws us nearer to Christ.

8 June 2011

Wednesday June 8, 2011

 
Sing to the LORD a new song, 
   his praise from the ends of the earth, 
you who go down to the sea, and all that is in it, 
   you islands, and all who live in them. 
Let the wilderness and its towns raise their voices; 
   let the settlements where Kedar lives rejoice. 
I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, 
   along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; 
I will turn the darkness into light before them 
   and make the rough places smooth. 
These are the things I will do; 
   I will not forsake them. 


- Isaiah 42:10-11, 16



Today, me new friend at work told me that she researched some of the evangelical churches I had recommended. Her and her boyfriend are interested in trying them out, but they don't want anything too far away (understandably). 
The Lord is just so sovereign and good. Is it possible that he led them to the house they are living us JUST to draw them near to himself (I will lead the blind by a way they do not know...)? 
My friend looked up one of the churches and said "wow, this looks awfully familiar". Her boyfriend responded, "Of course it does! Look outside...". Apparently they can see the church from their front window.

Lord Jesus thank you for the ways that you lead us even when we don't know we're following. You are so sovereign and good. I pray that you would continue to show us your love and goodness, and that you would lead my friend to yourself- that she might know the blessing of being found in you! Thank you for showing up in unusual things like geography... help us who are blind to walk in your light.

Tuesday June 7th, 2011

 As the deer pants for streams of water, 
   so my soul pants for you, my God. 
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. 
   When can I go and meet with God? 
...Deep calls to deep 

   in the roar of your waterfalls; 
all your waves and breakers 
   have swept over me."
Psalm 42: 1-2,7

At work today I began training a new girl. She's absolutely lovely and we got along really well right from the start. While we ate our lunch in the back room, we talked a bit about our lives outside of work, and the fact that Brian and I are working at a camp this summer came up. 
She asked what kind of a camp it was and I reluctantly responded, "A Bible camp" (did I really want to get seem like I was some religious bible-thumper on our first day of meeting?). But as our conversation went on, we got deeper into the stuff of our lives and she began to ask more and more about what religion I follow.

It turns out that she's Catholic. Well... she grew up in a Catholic home, at least. She shared with me that she's really been struggling with the Catholic Church. What she really wants is a relationship with God- to grow deeper in her spiritual walk rather than just participate in ceremonies and rituals.
I could not believe what I was hearing. 

I was so excited to hear her genuine desire to learn more about Christ, to be in community, and to find something deeper than just rules and regulations. What a beautiful thing. Deep calls out to deep: Her spirit is longing for the Spirit of Christ!

Thankyou, Lord, for placing developing a desire for YOU in our hearts. Thankyou that YOU, in your great mercy, are the one who loves us and calls us back to relationship with yourself! What grace! Thankyou that we are saved through your grace and not through our own efforts or rules... just by the cross of Christ. I pray for my new friend. Would you draw her near to yourself and satisfy her soul with the living water that comes from you alone.

5 June 2011

Sunday June 5, 2011

"In Him was Life, and the life was the Light of men. The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it"
- John 1:4-5

Today, a friend told me that few years ago she was going to commit suicide. She says that the only reason she didn't was that God prevented her from going through with it. "He stopped me from suicide and brought the best out of the worst," she said.

How awesome is that? Jesus is such a redeemer- bringing light out of darkness; life out of death. Very cool!

4 June 2011

Saturday June 4, 2011

Four years ago the Lord began to teach me about listening to His voice. To be honest, when my friend suggested that I begin "listening to God" (she had been reading Brad Jersak's book "Can you hear me") I didn't exactly know what she meant. It sounded absolutely crazy to me: to think that I could actually hear God's voice. I mean, of course he speaks through things like sermons/situations/songs... but to just SPEAK out of the silence as I quietly waited? That was a thing I had never even considered.
So, inspired by her challenge, I began to listen.
The first time I heard him went a little something like this:


"Jesus, I'm not sure what I'm expecting to hear... but, well... Speak: your servant is listening"
"Go get your Oswald Chambers book"
"What? Was that really His voice? There's no way that was you speaking... my Bible's right beside me. If you wanted me to get any book it would be that one"
"Obedience?"
"Ok fine... If this is you I had better see what you're up to.." (Get the book from downstairs)
It read:


The Dilemma of Obedience

Text Size: Zoom In
Samuel was afraid to tell Eli the vision —1 Samuel 3:15
God never speaks to us in dramatic ways, but in ways that are easy to misunderstand. Then we say, “I wonder if that is God’s voice?” Isaiah said that the Lord spoke to him “with a strong hand,” that is, by the pressure of his circumstances (Isaiah 8:11). Without the sovereign hand of God Himself, nothing touches our lives. Do we discern His hand at work, or do we see things as mere occurrences?
Get into the habit of saying, “Speak, Lord,” and life will become a romance (1 Samuel 3:9). Every time circumstances press in on you, say, “Speak, Lord,” and make time to listen. Chastening is more than a means of discipline— it is meant to bring me to the point of saying, “Speak, Lord.” Think back to a time when God spoke to you. Do you remember what He said? Was it Luke 11:13 , or was it 1 Thessalonians 5:23? As we listen, our ears become more sensitive, and like Jesus, we will hear God all the time.
Should I tell my “Eli” what God has shown to me? This is where the dilemma of obedience hits us. We disobey God by becoming amateur providences and thinking, “I must shield ’Eli,’ ” who represents the best people we know. God did not tell Samuel to tell Eli— he had to decide that for himself. God’s message to you may hurt your “Eli,” buttrying to prevent suffering in another’s life will prove to be an obstruction between your soul and God. It is at your own risk that you prevent someone’s right hand being cut off or right eye being plucked out (see Matthew 5:29-30).
Never ask another person’s advice about anything God makes you decide before Him. If you ask advice, you will almost always side with Satan. “. . . I did not immediately confer with flesh and blood . . .” (Galatians 1:16).
___________________
So, utterly convinced of his ability to speak, my journey of hearing God's voice began. 

He slowly built up my confidence, speaking more and more often and frequently requiring small acts of obedience (smile at that girl, give that stranger a ride...).  I see now those small calls to obedience as faith-training exercises that he used to bring me to a place where I was ready to walk in obedience even though it required sacrifice. At the time I was dating a man that I thought I would marry- he was a wonderful man and a godly leader. So, when I heard God say "break up with Jesse" it was absolutely devastating.  Somehow the Lord gave me the grace to be obedient, even though I had no understanding of why he would require such a thing. It was a slow, painful obedience that took me almost two years to understand... but oh how I was trained to hear his voice! And, as a very happily married woman, I can absolutely declare that God led me into blessing, sparing me from my own blindness, and gifting me in ways unimaginable. (thankyou Lord)

All this is to say...
Today, as I listened for Jesus' voice, he told me the most beautiful thing:

H: “Your love is extravagant, your friendship is intimate... No greater love have I ever known: you considered me a friend and captured my heart again. Thankyou for having extravagant love for me. The fact that you would call me your friend is such a beautiful thing. This season has been one of loneliness- but there you go declaring yourself my friend. I’m so sorry for not acting like your friend- not talking or spending time or getting away... Forgive me. And let’s get away together- how does tuesday sound?"
J: “Tuesday sounds perfect. I’ve missed you.”

He's missed me. How CRAZY is that? The God of the universe has missed being with messed up me! 

What a beautiful and perfect way for Jesus to show up today.